Shambhala Sun has a great article on Jerry Brown in their latest issue. I liked it so much that I wanted to pass it on to anyone who would also like to read it. Normally I would just point you to the article in the Web site, but it's not there. SS has probably not realized that it is okay to have your articles online and that people will still buy your magazine. So, I know this is in poor form, but I have type written out a couple of the pages. Will type out more later (must be kind to shoulder and not type too much today). Check out what I've got so far. Article.

Today is my sister's birthday. She's in SB with her beau, John.

Today is also the birthday of my cousin Serena. I'm thinking of her. I should call her instead of just thinking of her. Someday I will learn that just "thinking" is not enough.

Today is kind of a weird day because I was supposed to go Down South to visit my dad and brother, but my dad never returned my phone call.

The obvious comment is so what. Get in yer car and go down and see him.

Except that he just moved back to California and I haven't even been to his new house yet. And if you knew my dad you would know that his plans could have changed drastically. I have to admit: it is really really weird that he hasn't returned my phone call. It makes me think it's deliberate.

Things have not been good between us lately and that makes me really sad. And confused. And to complicate matters even more, Evan is in town and Evan is rarely in town and I would really really love to see him. Because I missed this trip it could easily mean that I won't see him again for years. It's already been four. This brings up a whole nother set of emotions and guilt feelings.

Cuz if I was a better sister I would call and visit and everything.

Somehow the thought of those things instead just paralyze me. And not just with Evan. With everyone. It's the Marya Phenomena. And I wish it would knock it off because it is seriously ruining all of my long distance relationships.

And I know this, so theoretically [sp?] I can do something about it. But something in my root core just stops me dead in my tracks instead.

I'm down in the dumps today.

*****

What I'm currently missing out on: picnic at Pirate's Cove with Most of The House. They made a killer picnic (marinated artichoke sandwiches, kabobs for starters) and afterwards are going to the hot tubs. But I couldn't motivate.

It's been great having Stephan, John and Rose around. I love it. I wish they would stay another week, but this morning John said he needed to go back home just to recuperate. Too much crazy food and drink and late nights and people.

m.